11

     11 years old- How did we get here so quickly?  The greatest and hardest thing about an oldest child is that they are always dragging us along to uncharted waters of parenthood - Experiences we've only heard tales of from saltier parents with more time at sea. Whether it's the first time they refuse a nap,  throw a tantrum in public, or when they "don't need your help anymore", it can be jarring!   Years of exciting firsts with our eldest daughter have led us here, to 11.
     I watch her spinning with her arms outstretched as "her songs" play...I hear her sing her heart out as she swings at the playground...I see her carefully put together outfits that are "her style".  And for this Mom, these firsts are like none of the others, because this Mom knows right where we are.
     The shifting sands that bridge childhood and women hood.  This terrain is oh so very familiar.  Was it really so long ago that I took my first walk here?  There are days when I wonder if I ever really grew up and left this inscrutable place.
      And 11 is where it begins...still so young and innocent, but ready to feel important, to find oneself, and make a difference...but not quite ready for the responsibility of it all.
     Emotions are as changing as the very sands one walks on here.  One day feeling high, like a dune at the shore.  The next, bogged down, sinking like quick sand.  Anger is fierce, raging like a sandstorm, until it blows itself out.  And all too often one bottoms out on a sandbar of apathy, and progress stops.
    But for all its complexities, this Mom is willing, even happy to return.  To be a guide, albeit an imperfect one.  Because I still recall the beauty that lies in self discovery, the triumph in overcoming fears, the dignity from learning restraint and self-control...these are the majestic sights only to be experienced by those brave enough to dare.
    So if you should need us, we'll be here...navigating the ever changing land together. Me and my eldest.  Hand in hand, step by step, even when she wishes I'd just go away, because the view is breathtaking, and I wouldn't miss it for the world.
   

Life lessons from Legos

     Caleb is currently obsessed with building and creating with his legos.  As a Mom, it can be so tough to not spend all of my money on them, since they make him so happy, and are "creative play", so they're good for him, right?!?  Maybe it's the big brown eyes (which all of my children are conveniently equipped with) Maybe it's the sincere desire on his face - his thinking over how to ask for a new set when he spies one at a store.
     Today, we went into an outlet store in search of cheap Halloween prizes for the upcoming Trunk or Treat, and there it was.  A large, Jurassic set, which makes a dinosaur, multiple vehicles and comes with many lego people.  While it was an off brand, it was a nice set.  Once I saw it, I froze for second, positive he had already seen it as well.  Sure enough, I looked down and his eyes were locked on it.
Too polite to just ask for the set, he began, "I wonder how much that set is."
"Fifteen dollars, buddy."
"That's a lot of money, Mom, but I think maybe I have it in my bank at home.  Could we count my money and come back today if I have it?"
That sweet attitude was enough for me to want to buy it right then and there.  But, parenting is about teaching life lessons, so I agreed.  "I'll help you count all of your change, and we'll see."
     Later, sitting the floor of his room, with a pile of coins which was many dollars short of his goal, he again showed great restraint. "Mom, how can I earn enough before everyone else buys them all?  I only get five cents for putting away my rack of dishes and ten cents for sorting the socks.  Are there any special jobs I could do to earn more?"  Again, I wanted to hug him and tell him he was the best son ever, and I'd just buy it for him...but then, would I be teaching the right thing?  As agonizing as it was for me, I told him I would come up with a list.  Though it might take him a few days, I'm sure he can earn the money.
   It's times like these, that I know parenting teaches us just as much, if not more than our children.
Like the song says,"God gave us families to help us become what he wants us to be." - and today, I feel like I took a small step in the right direction.

School and September

     The mornings in Pottsville are chilly again.   I wrap Tobias in a blanket, and walk out the door.  Heavy dew and a crisp nip in the air greet me as we walk the dog.   I breathe in the smell of fall...the coldness, the faint smell of rotting leaves.  The sun is coming up, and soon our busy day will begin.
The kids are allowed downstairs at 7:30.  That buys me enough time to prep their breakfasts.  We'll be moving at full tilt until homeschool is done for the day.  No chance to rest until then, and that's just fine by me.
     Homeschooling was never my plan.  But, once we decided it was what I needed to do for our family, it has become my passion.  I revel in the lesson plans, the bulletin boards, the craft supplies...maybe it's the smell or the colors.  Mostly though, I find satisfaction in watching my children learn and grow together.
     Our cozy, third floor schoolroom looks over our part of the city, out to the large hills beyond.  Up here, the world can wait.  Up here, we focus on what we want to learn.  Up here, there's always time for a quick break, one more book, or another question.  It's not perfect...there's the occasional cranky kid, silly tussle, or pouting over an assignment...but it's ours, and I wouldn't have it any other way.