11 years old- How did we get here so quickly? The greatest and hardest thing about an oldest child is that they are always dragging us along to uncharted waters of parenthood - Experiences we've only heard tales of from saltier parents with more time at sea. Whether it's the first time they refuse a nap, throw a tantrum in public, or when they "don't need your help anymore", it can be jarring! Years of exciting firsts with our eldest daughter have led us here, to 11.
I watch her spinning with her arms outstretched as "her songs" play...I hear her sing her heart out as she swings at the playground...I see her carefully put together outfits that are "her style". And for this Mom, these firsts are like none of the others, because this Mom knows right where we are.
The shifting sands that bridge childhood and women hood. This terrain is oh so very familiar. Was it really so long ago that I took my first walk here? There are days when I wonder if I ever really grew up and left this inscrutable place.
And 11 is where it begins...still so young and innocent, but ready to feel important, to find oneself, and make a difference...but not quite ready for the responsibility of it all.
Emotions are as changing as the very sands one walks on here. One day feeling high, like a dune at the shore. The next, bogged down, sinking like quick sand. Anger is fierce, raging like a sandstorm, until it blows itself out. And all too often one bottoms out on a sandbar of apathy, and progress stops.
But for all its complexities, this Mom is willing, even happy to return. To be a guide, albeit an imperfect one. Because I still recall the beauty that lies in self discovery, the triumph in overcoming fears, the dignity from learning restraint and self-control...these are the majestic sights only to be experienced by those brave enough to dare.
So if you should need us, we'll be here...navigating the ever changing land together. Me and my eldest. Hand in hand, step by step, even when she wishes I'd just go away, because the view is breathtaking, and I wouldn't miss it for the world.
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